uh. hello?

Oh! Yeah, hey! What's up?

...okay. i've been seeing you around here for literal, actual years. what's your deal?

What's my deal? What's my DEAL? You're just now talking to me for the first time and it's to ask me what my DEAL is?

..yeah?

Not even a "how are you" or a "how's the kids"? NOTHING? JUST what my deal is? Okay. Okay!

well shit, i didn't mean it as an insult or anything. it's just the fact that i've- never heard anyone else talk about you. like, at all. i'm probably the only guy around who knows who you are. i just wana know what the hell your deal is, and if you want to move in or not, for- fuck, i don't know. mental satisfaction?

Mental satisfaction.

you like repeating shit, don't you.

And you like being a snarky asshole at every given opportunity, right? Right.

fuck. we just met.

See? Now you know how I feel.

right.

..so, about why you're-

Well, it's nothing big, really. I live on my own a couple miles down in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's technically a country, but I'm not gonna call myself a fucking.. president? Whatever. Either way, it just gets lonely.

it gets lonely so you decide to beg for people to go visit you instead of just.. moving?

I never said I didn't like it out in the middle of nowhere! No laws in nowhere-land, so why would I hate it? I just said that it gets lonely.

no laws? sorry. do you need to be put on a watchlist or some shit?

No? I meant, like, taxes and shit.

i mean, no discrimination. i'm a war criminal. technically. i don't actually remember any of it.

Is that something you should be admitting to a random guy you just met?

...well-

Oh, right! That reminds me! I'm Axel. You probably already knew that if you read the sign.

.....chair. as in, that's my name. it's a long story.

The war criminal part or the name?

both.

Right! Well, great conversation, Chair, but it's getting kind of late. I should probably get back to my own place. Great visiting, though! Love this place.

oh- yep. seeya.

what a fuckin' weirdo.